Wednesday, September 21, 2011

That's PARANOIA!

I probably should admit two things at the beginning of this blog.

Firstly, I am writing to avoid doing the housework. There seems to be a never ending amount of cleaning and tidying that needs to be done and right now I am choosing to ignore it because the thought of having to tidy the house for the 10th time today (no exaggeration) is making me want to scream.

Secondly. I am a rather paranoid person. I know this and I know some of them are weird. But through sharing some of the crazy in my head, maybe I can become a bit less paranoid.

Welcome to the crazy mind of Tasha Sharp. Please fasten your seatbeats and keep all pointing and laughing to a minimum. Here is the weird paranoid section of my crazy brain...

When I work on night shift at the rest home I worry when I am walking around the complex alone that people will break in and I will have to protect everyone. This has resulted in me carrying my torch like a baton and thinking to myself that I will be able to beat them with it. I know this is unrealistic as the place is like Fort Knox and also I am kinda little so chances are I would be as effective as a bikini for an Eskimo, but the fear is there.

When my husband is away overnight, I sleep with a bat next to the bed for similar reasons as stated above. Seriously, where did all this crazy break in paranoia come from?

A man left a bag outside the check in area at the airport and walked away for about 5 minutes and I was SURE he was trying to blow up the airport. It turns out he was just helping his friends with their luggage but still I had considered running and screaming from the building. Not reporting the bag, no that would be embarrassing if I was wrong, but running and screaming seems WAY more logical.

When my sister's credit card didn't work online when we were ordering pizza and the pizza place asked for her credit card over the phone, I freaked out. In fact I had to resist grabbing the phone and yelling at the poor pizza person about WHY they wanted all that information and would we get a receipt and surely they didn't NEED all the details of the card. I know that they just needed us to pay for the pizza and it was way more convenient, but didn't stop me acting like a crazed lady.

I will go for a walk at night by myself around our street but will not go into the garage in the dark in case there is a crazed murderer in there. Because obviously the most logical place for a crazed murderer is in my messy, cold garage. This also goes for public toilets after 5pm. Yes even in summer.

After watching 'Toy story 3' I was so worried that one of my son's toys would feel abandoned that I hunted for two hours for it. And I feel worse if it is one of the toys from the movie. The rational part of my brain knows this is ridiculous but if you have seen that movie you will understand.

And my craziest paranoia?

I have a zombie apocalypse plan. And have had one since 2002. I didn't have a natural disaster plan until after the Christchurch earthquake but am pretty convinced zombies are a real possibility. And we will be ready.

Yes I know I am crazy. But at least I'm not paranoid about that.

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