Saturday, September 24, 2011

There is a new sheriff in town

In every household there are rules. They may vary, but everyone lives by some sort of guidelines. I have been thinking about the rules in our household after a day of complete mutiny carried out by my two little monkeys. They are both at that stage where they have realised they have free will. Oh it is exciting times in the Sharp household (she says while twitching involuntarily). There are rules I never thought would be needed but oh how naive I was. So here are some of the unusual guidelines of my household for your entertainment. By the way, these are also rules for the adults in the household too.

1. Whinging will not get you what you want. In fact it is going to make me dig in my heels and definitely say no because whinging will not be rewarded. You are more likely to get something if you ask nicely and say please.

2. We eat food. Not sand, paint, dirt, rocks, paper or anything else that is not food. When I have lovingly cooked you dinner and you are full on sand, it makes me twitch.

3. The cat has fur and does not need clothes regardless of what they portray on Shrek. After I have warned you about this more than once, if you get scratched, that's on you.

4. Rubbish goes in the bin. This is not a Viking dining room where things are thrown over the shoulder with great merriment. It makes me feel anything but merry.

5. Please keep your clothes on during daylight hours. It freaks people out when they arrive for a cup of coffee or to drop off something and there are half naked people running around.

6. When you go to my work, it is impolite to ask my boss if she is 'one of the old people'. It is also impolite to refer to an old lady in a wheelchair as the 'lady in the buggy'.

7. When I am on the phone, don't bug me with things that can wait. I am talking to someone else and it is rude to interrupt for things that are not important. It will be quicker if I can say what I need to say without interruption.

8. The supermarket is not a free for all. Whatever you put in the trolley needs to be paid for and we can't have everything. If we don't pay, we get in trouble. And I am not running from the law over a pack of chips.

9. When we need to be somewhere at a certain time, that time is not a guideline. So when I tell you to be ready by a certain time, HAVE EVERYTHING READY and HELP EACH OTHER GET READY. People always judge the mother if you are late or shoeless.

10. No matter what your father says, waking me up by jumping on me screaming 'MUMMY MUMMY MUMMY' is not endearing. In fact it may result in crazy Mum appearing.

What are some weird and wacky rules you have in your household?

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